Yup. That’s right. This is where my madness I call “writing” happens. Also, I did some much overdue cleaning today. Dusting, vacuuming, tub-scrubbing, floor-scrubbing. I was also up at 11:30 last night cleaning my kitchen and making chicken salad, but that I guess that was just a bit of hypomania…anyway…
I do use an ergonomic-friendly laptop stand. I find that when I sit on the sofa with my laptop too often, my neck starts to get stiff from looking down at the screen. This helps keep my head up. This room has lots of natural light, which I love. I am a firm believer that getting plenty of sunshine is good for battling my illness.
A note on hypomania — after a visit with my psychiatrist, I am now going completely off my antidepressant, Wellbutrin, and doubling my dose of Saphris, an atypical antipsychotic. I’ve been heading towards full-blown mania, which would be majorly bad news if I went there. I’ve had to take another leave from work because of it, otherwise I would have gone ballistic on someone had they said the wrong thing to me. While some folks with bipolar disorder feel “good” in mania — overly excitable, happy, talkative — I get extremely agitated and very, very easily aggravated. I start sleeping less and have tons more energy. In the past, I’ve had grandiose delusions. This is the reality of my illness.
But thank goodness I have some of the best doctors. Thank goodness for ECT. Thank goodness for medication. My doctor is confident he can get me back to feeling well enough that I can go back to work, and I trust him completely.
Sometimes it can feel disheartening to have to take a medical leave from work for my bipolar disorder. It sort of makes me feel like my illness is winning. But I know it’s not. This isn’t a setback. I have an illness and it’s in no way my own fault. I like to listen to “Titanium” by Sia (although I have a cover by Madilyn Bailey on my computer) when I feel disheartened:
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium